Developer: Imagineering Publisher: Absolute Entertainment Release: 1993 Genre: Action
There are some movie licenses that I question why they even bothered. I suppose someone saw dollar signs when they licensed Home Alone based on the success of the movie. But those games are some of the worst on each platform they are on. But then there are the ones that should be easy slam dunks that completely fail in the execution. Toys should have been decent. The premise is damn near a video game in itself. But somehow the developers completely fail on nearly every level. Toys is a master class in bad game design.
Toys follows the general plot of the movie. Upon finding out he is dying Kenneth Zevo, owner of Zevo Toys appoints his brother to run the company in order to force his immature son Leslie to grow up. But Leslie soon discovers his uncle is using Zevo Toys to build remote controlled war machines. Alongside his cousin Leslie infiltrates Zevo Toys to put a stop to his uncle’s plans.
The premise for most of the game is simple. In each level you must destroy a set number of security cameras to move on. Standing in your way are a number of toys, some mobile and others that guard each camera specifically until you destroy the surrounding toys in the area. Once done you enter a minigame of sorts where you must blind the cameras eyes to destroy its lens. It starts out simple but soon enough it becomes harder as the camera moves quickly and its window of vulnerability gets smaller. For the finale you control a remote controlled plane as it carries Leslie to Leland’s tower. Here you must dodge toy planes and buildings while also refueling regularly in one of the most insane obstacle courses I have experienced. In any other game it would be thrilling. But in Toys? Prepare to break your controller.
On nearly every conceivable level Toys is a frustrating game. I refuse to believe anyone play tested the game as its issues are apparent within seconds. The controls are stiff and unresponsive and along with the perspective make targeting enemies difficult. Speaking of targeting nearly every toy is useless outside of the bowling ball and peanut gun. While they sound cool in theory in practice once you put down every toy outside of the two I mentioned they run around randomly. Any time they happen to attack or destroy an enemy is a happy accident. As this is the entire premise of the game the fact that core functionality is so useless brings the overall experience down significantly.
The difficulty is sky high and probably on purpose due to the game’s length. The random nature of most of the toys mean you will take cheap hits left and right. The bowling ball is consistent but the perspective makes it hard to aim. The enemies love to swarm and it is not uncommon for you to die in seconds. Taking out the security cameras starts out simple but they become manic in short order. The ramp up is insanely quick and the levels become progressively longer and more agonizing. It reaches its nadir in the final level. Even with a map you will be hard pressed to complete this bastard. You have seconds to dodge incoming planes and if miss a single refueling station you will more than likely die. And yes, you start the whole level over. I resorted to cheating and it was still nearly impossible.
It is not even like I wanted to hate this damn game. The idea of using a veritable army of toys to achieve your goal is sound. The variety in items is great and could have been fun if they actually worked properly. If there were some kind of targeting system it would alleviate most of the game’s problems. That last level would still have to go but as a whole this would be a better game than the licensed tripe that it is. I can only assume the movie bombing caused the developers to cut their losses and get the game out the door as soon as possible.
In Closing
Toys is a bad game. I knew that going in to it but was not prepared for just how terrible it would be. I cannot think of a single redeeming quality in this awful, awful game. How do you screw up a game about Toys? It practically writes itself! Yet somehow they found a way. Ignore this one, there is nothing to see here.
