Developer: Bits Studios Publisher: Acclaim Release: 10/92 Genre: Action
This one hurts folks. As the Spider-Man games began to roll out on the 16-bit platforms I was jealous. I was still the sole owner of a NES at the time and could not partake in the web slinging fun. In hindsight the majority of those games were terrible but I digress. When Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six was announced I looked forward to the game. It was like Acclaim made it just for me! But the LJN banner should have been my first red flag. I wasted a rental on this piece of shit and am still disappointed to this day.
Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six is only loosely based on the storyline of the same name in Amazing Spider-Man. In it Doctor Octopus gets the band back together be it through blackmail or empty promises to complete his plan of poisoning everyone on Earth. There were cameos from other heroes like Iron Man, Dr. Strange and Captain America as well as changes in the status quo as long term characters died. Of course the game has none of that and merely uses the loose plot as a reason to feature a gaggle of villains. You would an all-star lineup of Spider-Man’s villains would equal greatness. You would think. But this game has major problems and is outright awful.
The worst sin of Return of the Sinister Six is that it does an awful job making you feel like Spider-Man. You can punch and jump kick enemies but which attack comes out feels random. On top of that the hit detection is absolutely terrible. Your attacks will completely pass through enemies constantly to the point avoiding combat altogether is the best option. Collecting web cartridges will allow you to throw ten web balls which helps but they are rare. You can only web sling in specific spots; in fact I can only recall two instances of such in the entire game. Climbing walls in the background is similarly random it feels. At the very least you should nail the fundamentals of being Spider-Man. Even Arcade’s Revenge with its myriad problems got that right.
The level design like the mechanics fails at being engaging. Initially there is more going on than simply finding the exit. The early levels task you with finding one or two items to progress like a detonator to open a path or infrared goggles to see in the dark. This promotes exploration although it falls flat due to the confusing level design. It is one thing for the graphics to be ugly. But it becomes a problem when it interferes with navigation. The levels are a garish mess of details constantly blend background and foreground elements together. The second half of the game is more open but it is also repetitive as it recycles assets. You barely get the sense that each stage represents each boss. Speaking of bosses, these encounters feel anticlimactic as they all follow the same basic pattern. Considering the difficulty this is a small saving grace.
Growing up I suspected designers deliberately made their games borderline impossible so no one would ever see the end. Return of the Sinister Six makes a strong case for this. You have one life and a single continue to beat the game. That is insane. There are no health power-ups; your life bar regenerates slowly after defeating enemies. The broken hit detection makes this an absolute chore and not worth the effort. The boss battles are simple for the most part but the game makes you fight some multiple times with no change in tactics which is stupid. I used cheat codes just to see the end and the game gets progressively worse, almost as if you can see the budget slowly running out. The difficulty is not as bad as Arcade’s Revenge but it gets close. Unlike that game there is no bitching soundtrack to at least entertain you.
In Closing
Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six is a bad game. It is a licensed game from Acclaim/LJN, it should be expected. But even considering their low batting average it is shockingly bad. This game has mostly been forgotten by everyone and with good reason. It has no redeeming qualities and is not worth your time.
