Developer: Tose Publisher: Broderbund Release: 09/87 Genre: Action
Spelunker is one of the most frustrating video games I have ever played in my near forty year gaming career. There are many NES titles that are outright broken or suffer from horrible design. The likes of Deadly Towers, Hydlide, and Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde have received their fair share of ridicule. However Spelunker stands far, far above them in its awfulness. It is not often I play a game this bad. I have been actively avoiding reviewing this one for years for a reason. This is one for the history books folks.
Spelunker was originally released on various computer formats in the 80s. It took the idea of an explorer seeking treasure in crusty caverns and successfully translated that experience in to the video game format. It was pretty advanced for its time as you had to keep track of your air supply while being mindful of the various tricks and traps. While frustrating there was logic to its madness. That was the computer version. Something went horribly wrong in translation as the NES version is absolutely broken in nearly every respect. Yet somehow the game achieved legendary status and sold extremely well in Japan, to the point it has received exclusive sequels and remakes in the country. That is mind boggling. There is no hidden gem here, just a title that will make you hate video games.
In every level you collect numerous items, some of them treasure and some to help you explore. Dynamite will blow up rocks but can also destroy you if you are too close. Flares will make bats go away for a few precious seconds. In a bit that makes little sense a blast of air will blow ghosts away. Speaking of, you must replenish your air supply at set intervals or you will suffocate. Thankfully the game does a good job providing air in different ways so it is less of an issue. The most important item are the keys. These are usually at the end of elaborate puzzle like platforming sequences and their pursuit will be the main cause of your deaths.
The first thing you need to accept with Spelunker is that you are going to die a lot. Chances are you will die within the first few seconds trying to get off the elevator. Your explorer can only fall half his height without dying. If that sounds stupid trust me it is. It means you have to meticulously plan every single action lest you keel over and die from essentially walking off the sidewalk. Everything wants to kill you, from bats, trap floors, geysers and ghosts. And you have to deal with all this while putting up with the controls. You drop like a rock after each jump and every leap travels a set distance. You have to keep these in mind at all times and it is exhausting.
Spelunker is relentlessly punishing in its difficulty. Death comes frequently and swiftly and always feels cheap. The slippery control will contribute to this. Every single jump has to be near pixel perfect or you will die. If you are a centimeter off when jumping you will plummet to your death. Hit a ceiling when you jump and guess what? Death. And trying to navigate ropes is similarly frustrating. You can slightly move side to side on a rope and if you move too much, guess who’s going to fall? If you aren’t in the exact middle of the rope when you jump you will also fall. Playing Spelunker is like controlling Mario if he were a gimp.
All of these issues ruin the otherwise good level design. Although Spelunker is one big cave it has four sections. Each has an elaborate array of platforms and scenarios that in any other game would be fun to navigate. You are largely left to your own devices to gather the keys and progress. In the rare times where everything works as planned it is mildly fun to board a submarine to cross a body of water to nab a key then loop back around to unlock that door you saw in the beginning. But as I said these moments are rare. The majority of your time is spent fighting a game that actively hates you. And it even has the nerve to include four caves of increasing difficulty with invisible keys and such. Who the hell has the stomach to play through this once let alone four times?
In Closing
It took a lot of patience to play and write this one. Spelunker is a truly terrible game and one of the worst on the system. There is almost nothing positive I can say about it. Do not play this out of mild curiosity. Even watching a YouTube play through is infuriating. Pretend it does not exist. Play something else. Hug your kids. Do anything but play Spelunker.
