Developer: Hudson Soft Publisher: Hudson Soft Released: 09/88 Genre: Platformer
The things we put up with for entertainment. Once upon a time Milon’s Secret Castle was one of a few NES games that I owned. Having finished all my other games I desperately tried to find enjoyment in Hudson’s much maligned title. But I could not do it. But when the alternative is to watch basic TV or *gasp* go outside you will play anything no matter how much you hate it. Make no mistake Milon’s Secret Castle deserves all the derision it has received over the years. This one is bad.
Milon’s Secret Castle hit early in the Famicom’s life in 1986, that period when developers were ambitious and experimental. A lot of mistakes were made before they found their groove, and unfortunately we received aborted fetuses like Hydlide and Deadly Towers years after the fact. By 1988 Milon’s Secret Castle was looking long in the tooth as better adventure games like The Legend of Zelda were available. Its heart is in the right place but man is it frustrating trying to get to the good stuff. Ultimately it is not worth it.
The controls are an immediate issue. Milon controls like a brick in the air and for a game with such a heavy emphasis on platforming is practically a death knell. Later items like the feather make it bearable but you do not get that until a decent bit into the game. Milon’s attack consists of throwing bubbles. Except here they move diagonally and never straight. You can aim up and down but immediately forward? Never. I cannot stress how idiotic a decision this is. Trying to destroy simple blocks in your direct path takes longer than it should. Adapting to the controls is possible but that is only the beginning of this game’s problems.
Milon starts on the first level of the castle with no guidance or hints whatsoever. The goal is ultimately to save the princess; how you go about that is up to you. On every floor of the castle are multiple rooms. To leave you must find the key and the exit. And this is where the problems begin. Every area in Milon’s Secret Castle is full of secrets literally everywhere. You can shoot blocks to create paths or reveal items like cash. Bumping certain blocks might reveal a music box which takes you to the bonus round. Pushing blocks will unveil shops and hidden rooms. You will spend a significant amount of time shooting everything, not because it is fun but because it is mandatory.
The problem with the game is that critical game items are hidden so well that unless you use a guide or literally try to smash every block (which is tedious) you would never find them. Quest items like the lamp are mandatory but until you reach the necessary section you would never know it. Hiding these shops with crucial items makes no sense. The game gives vague hints that mean almost nothing even with eventual context. I get that you don’t want to spell everything out but it is too obtuse for its own good. The lack of any guidance is ultimately what hinders the game. Once you gain a few upgrades and figure out the game’s flow it can be enjoyable. But you could be playing something else in the time you spend getting to that point.
Milon’s Secret Castle is a relentlessly punishing game from the start. Your life bar is small initially but upgrades with honeycombs. Once again you will have to blast every block to find them. There is no invincibility window when hit which means your health can be drained quickly. Items like the vest and Excalibur sword boost attack and defense but are expensive but you need to find the shops that sell them first. In the case of the sword you need a few items to even reach the shop first! This is not an RPG but to buy the items you need you will have to undergo tedious grinding repeatedly. I could go on but you get the point. You only get a single life but fortunately there is a cheat to continue. The game desperately needs passwords or battery backup.
In Closing
Milon’s Secret Castle is a bad game and you should avoid it at all costs. What few good points It may have are buried under aggravating design. I can see what they were going for but that does not mean I would recommend it under any circumstances. About the only good thing I can say about it is that it led to a fantastic Super Famicom sequel years later.
